Close To Falling Read online

  “Are you?” I then ask, lifting my brow in surprise.

  He narrows his eyes at me. “How about you stop letting Mikey put his hands all over you?”

  “Why?” I ask so serious. “Why should I do that?”

  “Don’t play with me, B. Someone will get hurt,” he says.

  I roll my eyes and slip under his arm, but he grabs mine and pushes me up against the wall. I gasp, and he pushes his body against mine. I almost moan, because God, this is what I want. I don’t want Mikey. I want River, the boy who gets under my skin. The boy I argue with all the time. The one who tries to tell me what to do, the one who is so close to me right now all I have to do is lean up and our lips would touch.

  “You’re not high anymore?” he asks.

  “Not at this moment,” I whisper. He looks at my eyes and seems pleased. “Did you sleep with her?” I ask.

  “Yes,” he responds without hesitation.

  “Move,” I say. He doesn’t, and I lift my arms to shove him, but he stops me.

  “Quit, B.”

  “No!” I say a little louder than I should, but the music is so loud downstairs I’m sure no one can hear me.

  “Maddie, why do you care if I slept with her?”

  “Why do you care if Mikey is all over me?”

  “Because I don’t like it,” he seethes, pushing me back harder against the wall. He looks down at my lips again, but there’s a fight going on inside of him. I can see it in his eyes.

  “Dido,” I respond and yank my hands out of his hold. I shove him back, surprising him.

  “Did you do that to make me jealous?” I ask, throwing his question back at him and trying not to sound as hurt as I feel.

  “Maybe,” he says.

  “Well, I hope you used something. I’ve heard she has Herpes.” I walk away from him, sighing when I feel my body relax and the drugs kick in. Just for kicks, I slide one more out of my pocket and pop it into my mouth as I head back downstairs. I blink a few times as I try to adjust my eyes because it’s so dark in here. I look around for Cali and spot her on the couch. She’s slouched over, and her eyes are shut. Shit, she is passed out. I walk over to her.

  “Cali,” I say, but she doesn’t say anything. “Cali,” I say again, shaking her. She moves and moans.

  “Too d-drunk,” she slurs. I look up and search for Landon. I spot him in the corner making out with some brunette. Walking over, I say his name, and he looks at me.

  “What, B?” he says, a tad irritated.

  “Sorry, but we need to go,” I tell him.

  “Are you and River fighting?” he asks, causing the brunette to look interested now. I shake my head.

  “No, it’s Cali,” I say, looking over at her. “We need to get her home.”

  He sighs and tells the brunette something before he walks past me and lifts Cali up off the couch. This isn’t the first time we’ve had to do this. Cali goes above and beyond sometimes.

  As we make it to the stairs, Mikey stops me. “Leaving so soon?”

  “Yeah, Cali is kinda passed out.”

  “Well, can I get your number?” he asks, and I smile.

  “I don’t have a pen.”

  “I’ll remember it,” he says. After I tell him, he surprises me with a kiss. His hand goes in my hair, and his lips linger on mine for a brief moment. It’s not a deep kiss, just sweet, and I can’t help but grin afterward. “I’ll call you,” he adds before walking off.

  “Okay,” I respond, slightly breathless.

  As I make my way up the stairs, I look up to see River standing at the top. He saw Mikey and me, and that makes me smile bigger.

  ***

  I sit in the back with a passed-out Cali while River drives and Landon talks about the brunette he was making out with. Landon is just as much a playboy as River, except he is nicer about it. River doesn’t do repeats, and he doesn’t call any of these girls back. He’s a dick, but he says they know before anything happens so they shouldn’t expect anything more. River turns and Cali rolls over, placing her head on my lap. I run my hands through her baby blue hair and watch the trees pass us by. We turn onto Cali’s road, and I tell her we are here, but she doesn’t move.

  “Landon, she’s out cold.”

  “I’ll carry her inside,” he tells me. Landon has always had a soft spot for Cali, and sometimes I think he loves the girl who has no limits. He lifts her out of the car, and I get out behind them to help him with the door. Once they are inside, I tell him to be as quiet as possible so he doesn’t wake her parents. “I’ve got it from here,” he says. I make my way back to the car and get inside.

  “I’m sorry about earlier, B,” River says a moment later.

  “Me, too,” I respond, even though I’m not sure why I’m apologizing, but that’s just the way it is between us. One says sorry, while the other does, too, and it’s over.

  Chapter Eight

  I slide out of bed and walk to the front of my closet. Bending down and hooking my finger into the small hole in the wood board, I lift it up and pull out a small baggie. I pour a few pills out onto the palm of my hand and toss them into my mouth before putting everything back in place. I open my bedroom door and make my way to the hall bathroom. My bathroom doesn’t have a tub, and I want to soak. It's early, and I have to be quiet because Frankie doesn’t like to be woken up on his day off. The door is cracked, and the light is on so I strum my fingers on it.

  “Yeah?” River says.

  “Can I come in?” I ask.

  “Open the door.” I push it open and see River standing at the sink. Towel wrapped around his slim waist, he makes a clean swipe down his face with the razor in his hand. When did this boy start shaving?

  “I want to take a bath,” I say.

  “So take one.” He shrugs, running the razor down his left cheek.

  “I need you to get out.”

  “It's nothing I haven’t seen before,” he says, looking at me in the mirror.

  “Um, yes, it is,” I say. He smirks and keeps shaving, so I move past him and sit on the toilet seat. I chew on my fingernail and watch him shave. He looks really good with his shirt off. “Can I do it?” I ask. He lifts the razor away from his face and looks down at me.

  “If you want,” he says. I get up and tell him to sit. He does with a bemused look on his face. Shower wet hair and boy shampoo, he smells and looks delicious. I’m starting to crave this bad boy. I hold my hand out for the razor, and he gives it to me.

  “Stay still,” I say, darting my eyes to his before I lightly put the razor to his face. He watches me closely, and I feel it to my toes. I run it down his face carefully, slowly until I reach the middle of his neck. I reach over and rinse the razor and put it back to his face, running it down again over and over. I repeat this action, concentrating and praying I don’t cut him.

  It’s when I rinse the razor for the last time that I notice his hands are resting on my hips. I wet my bottom lip and swallow, instantly becoming aware of my breathing. The heat from his hands seeps through my pajamas, and I look at his face. Spots of shaving cream are left over, and I grab the towel and gently remove them. With his hands still on my hips, he asks, “All done?”

  “Yep,” I say, a little out of breath.

  “Okay,” he says. “Let me look.” His hands fall to his towel-covered legs like he didn’t even know he was touching me, like it was just a reaction. I move out of the way, and he stands. “You did good, B.” He turns his face, looking over my job well done. He runs his hands over his smooth face, and I wish I could. I lean back against the wall with my needy hands behind my back, watching him. He fills his palms with water and rinses his face off. When he leans back up,our eyes meet in the mirror. “You okay?”

  “Yeah,” I say quietly.

  “Oh, you want a bath. I’ll get out then.” He winks before he walks out the door, and I melt. Good grief, what the hell is going on with me? I shut the door and strip my pajamas off, and as I lean down to turn the water on, th
e door opens again, and I turn around. It’s River, and I am in my underwear. I grab the towel off the hook and put it around me.

  “Geez, knock much?” I ask, feeling the heat of my embarrassment crawl up my chest.

  “Um, sorry,” he mumbles. He looks stunned and keeps staring.

  “River!” I say. “What do you need?”

  “Oh, I forgot my...” He looks confused, and I look over at his ball shorts.

  “These?” I ask, picking them up and tossing them to him.

  “Yeah. Thanks.” He stares at me.

  “Anything else?” I ask, like get out.

  “No,” he says, and I see a smirk before he shuts the door.

  “Good God,” I say, slapping my forehead and walking over to lock the door.

  ***

  “That was embarrassing,” Ellie says.

  “Uh, yeah,” I reply, laughing a little because it’s just funny now.

  “Carry on,” Ellie says, shifting on the bench.

  ***

  After my shower, I head downstairs and see River sitting on the front porch, smoking. I grab the milk out of the fridge and lay it on the counter as Landon comes walking downstairs. Sleepy hair, in his pajamas and white T-shirt, he tells me, “Good morning.”

  “Good morning to you,” I reply. The phone rings, and we both run over to catch it.

  Landon beats me. “Hello.” He looks over at me and grins. “Why, yes, she is here, Mikey.” He's all smiles, and I look over when River walks through the door.

  “Give me the phone, Landon,” I whisper harshly. River hears me and walks over to us.

  “It's Mikey,” Landon teases, handing me the phone, but River snatches it from him and puts it to his ear.

  “What the heck!” I say.

  “Hey, so sorry, man, but Maddie has a terrible cold.” River pauses, and obviously Mikey is speaking. I try to listen,but hear nothing. “Yeah, she's super gross right now,” he says, looking down at me. “And you probably gave it to her with that weak ass kiss you put on her last night.”

  “River!” I yell, mortified.

  “What the hell is going on down here?” Frankie asks as he walks into the kitchen, in bedroom slippers, scratching his head and rubbing his belly.

  “Gotta go,” River says and hangs the phone up. I wanna kill him. I may kill him. I'm going to kill him. I reach over to punch him on his arm, but he takes off running. I follow, hearing Frankie yell to take it outside and Landon laughing. River shoots through the screen door,and I'm right on his heels. He comes to an abrupt stop once we round the house, and I crash right into his arms when he turns around.

  “River, I hate you!” I say, shoving his arms away.

  “No, you don't, B.” He's smirking confidently.

  “I do, too!”

  “I saved you and him, B.”

  “How in the hell did you do that?” I ask, pissed off.

  “Simple. He would have tried to sleep with you, and that would have been very unenjoyable for you. Save one. Then I would have had to fuck his face up once he tried to do that. Save two,” he says, cocky as hell. I close my eyes, trying to rein in my anger.

  “River, you can’t keep doing this! I’m going to date who I want, and I don’t want you messing it up for me. I like Mikey,” I say, crossing my arms and pouting. I see his shoulders slouch, and I can tell he feels guilty, but he also looks torn.

  “Shit. I’m sorry, Maddie B. I didn’t know you actually liked the guy,” he says, scratching the back of his neck.

  “Well, you wouldn't because you never pay attention to me.”

  “Yes, I do,” River says, and there is no trace of play on his face. We stand there looking at each other, and he surprises me as his face goes soft. He reaches up and brushes a stray, wet piece of hair behind my ear. The wind blows around us, and I smell his scent of boy shampoo, tobacco, and River Dawson.

  “I’m sorry,” he murmurs and pulls me into a hug. I wrap my arms around him and inhale.

  “I love your girlie shampoo,” he says.

  “My girlie shampoo?” I ask, reluctantly pulling away from his arms a tad and looking up so I can see his face.

  “Yeah, it reminds me of you.” He lifts his lip, and I smirk.

  “That’s because I use it all the time.”

  “Don’t stop,” he says, so serious.

  “Okay,” I reply softly. He kisses my forehead before we make our way back inside the house. “I love your shampoo, too.”

  Chapter Nine

  Friday night lights shine bright above us as we sit on the bleachers at school. They rattle from heavy steps and excited fans. We’ve watched the entire game, and I’m knee bouncing and nail chewing to get out of here.

  “It’s almost over,” Cali whispers to me.

  “I know. When is your guy meeting us?”

  “As soon as it’s over,” she says. I’m on a double date and watching high school football. Mikey sits beside me as his friend John sits beside my girl. I didn’t tell anyone but Landon that I was going on a date because I didn’t want to hear Frankie or River’s mouth. Our team scores a touchdown, and that’s the game. We stand, and I follow Mikey down the steps.

  “I wanna meet him,” I tell Cali as she grabs for my hand.

  “Let’s tell the boys we both gotta pee, and then we will meet them at the car,” I say loud enough for only her.

  “All right,” Cali whispers as we walk down the last bit of steps.

  “Gotta pee, guys. Meet you at the car,” I say to Mikey.

  “Okay,” my date replies, and Cali and I head toward the bathroom, but as soon as the boys are out of sight, we turn back around and walk to the bleachers.

  “Where is he?” I ask once we make our way to the back.

  “There.” Cali lifts her chin, and we walk toward the guy standing alone.

  “’Sup, Cali?”

  “Hey, this is my friend Maddie,” my girl says to the guy with baggy pants and a shirt that could be smaller.

  “I’m D,” he says. “What do you need?”

  I feel for the cash in my pocket. “I need something stronger than what I’ve been taking.”

  “Okay, baby girl, I got you. These will knock you off your ass,” he says, pulling out a bag of small blue pills. “They call them Blues or Roxys.”

  “Give me twenty worth,” I say, and I don’t even feel bad for spending my parents’ money on drugs. Because drugs make you not care. “And give me twenty worth of the others, too.”

  After we walk away from our drug dealer, we head back to the boys, but not before I slip a pill into my mouth. Cali does the same, and we link hands. She’s got a ring on each of her fingers, and her nails are bright pink. She dyed her hair bleach blonde, and it looks good with her blue eyes.

  “Did you bring your lip-gloss?” I ask. She slides it out of her back pocket and hands it to me. I let go of her hand and smack my lips after I line them with vanilla-flavored gloss.

  “You like John?” I ask. She shrugs, like whatever.

  “What about Mikey?” bottle blonde asks me.

  “I think I like him more as a friend. I’m not feeling anything else.”

  “Yeah, he doesn’t seem like your type anyway,” she says, and I look over at her.

  “What is my type?”

  “I picture you with someone more…bad boy.”

  “Huh?” I ask.

  “Someone more like you.”

  “I’m not a bad boy.” I kind of laugh playfully.

  “You know what I mean,” she says. “You’ve been through a lot of crap, and I see you with someone who gets it. Not a goody-goody like Mikey. His dad’s a lawyer, and his mom’s part of the Junior League.”

  “So, you think he’s too good for me?” I ask.

  “No, I think you’re too cool for him.”

  “Well, I picture you with someone who has colored their hair as much as you,” I reply, laughing because her point sounds just as ridiculous.

  “They’d probably
swing the other way,” she says as we make it to the boys.

  “Let’s ride to the beach,” John says, and we jump into Mikey’s Jeep.

  ***

  “You had a drug dealer?” my therapist asks.

  “Don’t all drug users?” I reply with a smirk on my lips.